An Incredible Light
by The Indecent Nerd
Summary: Kanaya finally realizes that she doesn't feel okay anymore. (RoseMary fluff/angst.)


_**Author's Note:**_8luh, what is writing? What is this even? I'll tell you what it is; not in character! Sorry for my inept ability to write RoseMary :/ But here, have this thing.

**Chapter 1 of 1**

Rose wandered into the bedroom with caution, not even bothering to switch on the light. The curtains were drawn and the bed was unmade. This seemed very unlike Kanaya. Everything seemed too sloppy. She had grown worried when Kanaya failed to meet her for their afternoon date, but after seeing this, Rose was nothing short of mortified. Through her murky and dark thoughts, she noticed the bathroom across the hall had its light on, shining through the crack between the bottom of the door and the ground.

She knew.

She tried the knob but it was locked. She expected nothing less. She was already crying by now but she couldn't feel the tears. She couldn't even hear herself screaming Kanaya's name or choking on her sobs. She pounded her fist against the door but it wasn't budging any. In a fit of desperation, she pulled one of her knitting needles turned magic wand from its place in oblivion and blasted the door from its hinges.

Dropping the wand, Rose surged into the tiny space and found her lover huddled in the tub. She was dressed in her nightgown with her knees pulled to her chest and water coming up to her ankles. In one hand she held one of Rose's razors and held it to the oppisite wrist. She stared blankly ahead.

"Kanaya?" Rose tried to start slowly but her sobs made her voice sound wounded and she choked over her name.

"Rose...?" Kanaya looked to the human girl but her eyes didn't seem to see her. They didn't seem to see anything at all. All Kanaya could see was the white oblivion she imagined was pain.

"Please don't," was all Rose could whisper. She dropped to her knees in front of the tub. She yearned to touch her. To stroke her hair. To brush her hands against her horns, to kiss beneath her eyes. To embrace her and tell her that no matter what darkness plagued her, Rose could see the light. Rose would be her light, ready to guide her out of the dark.

"Why Not?" Kanaya lowered the razor, the cool metal against her gray wrist. She'd heard of this human practice from her extensive research of the species. She felt this was the thing to do. "Everyone Is Gone, Rose."

"No, no. No, they're not, Kanaya," Rose whispered and slowly extended her hand to Kanaya's shoulder. She carressed her softly and she didn't pull away. She let Rose keep her hand there but she pushed the blades down ever so gently. "Karkat is here. Terezi too. And Aradia and half of Sollux. Even Gamzee. And Dave. And me... I'm here too."

"All Of My Friends Are Dead, Rose," she whispered back, ignoring Rose's words of comfort. "My Entire Race Is Gone, And That Is My Fault For Playing This Game. And There Is No Hope Of Repopulation. The Matriorb Has Been Destroyed. I Failed Everyone."

"No, Kanaya. You haven't," Rose pleaded. She was crying more now, but it was the kind of crying where tears just come and come and you feel like you can't breathe and you have no way of making any sound at all. "Please..."

"Vriska Is Dead. I Should Have Known What Was Going On. I Had Awakened As A Rainbow Drinker By Then. I Could Have Saved Her," she whimpered. "Tavros too. And Feferi. And Equius And Nepeta. I Should Have Saved Them All."

Rose's hand found its way to her alien lover's neck where she began to run her fingers through Kanaya's hair. Kanaya had always found this to be a particularly comforting quality in humans; the need to physically reassure others of their feelings. She sighed wistfully. "It was never your job to look after everyone. And we'll figure out the thing with the matriorb. You can't give up hope."

"We Will Be Leaving The Dream Bubbles Behind Soon, Rose. The Meteor Has Nearly Arrived. I Will Not Be Able To See Them Again... Unless I Join Them."

She pressed hard and jerked her hand, allowing the razor to break her skin. Jade blood welled up from the wound and Kanaya dropped the razor in the tub with a sigh. It hadn't made her feel any better at all. It just stung. Sure, her mind sort of was distracted but the internal pain was much too great. Without a word, Rose took the razor from the tub and slide it across the room. She pulled Kanaya's head to her chest and kissed her between the horns. With one hand, she dipped Kanaya's arm beneath the water to cleanse the wound.

"Kanaya, that's the point of all this. We win the game. We create our universe, repopulate the troll race. Maybe the dream bubbles exist in our name universe, maybe not, but you have to see it through. You have to find out with me, okay?"

"Okay," Kanaya agreed. She was still broken-hearted but Rose's warmth was doing a lot to make her feel better. Perhaps all she needed was to talk it out. Or maybe not even that. Just to be embraced. To know that for once not everything was up to her. She didn't have impossible tasks to face all on her own anymore. Rose would always be by her side.

"Promise me you'll talk to me when you feel like this." Rose blinked away her very un-Lalonde-like tears. "I want to help you see the light in the things that seem the darkest."

Kanaya cocked her head, using one hand to clutch her wrist and help stop the bleeding. She knew Rose would assist her in a moment. She smiled. She leaned up and kissed the alien. Her lips were soft and inviting and they made her feel safe. "I Have Already Seen The Light, And The View Is Incredible."


End file.
